If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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