Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
