Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
