I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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