May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
