And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
