I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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