new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
