dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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