Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
