I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
