Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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