Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
accomplished twins. life is a go
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
