Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
