What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
