Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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