I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Randomize
