I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
