OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
