Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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