Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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