the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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