my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
