I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
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I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
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Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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