I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
