at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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