just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
