I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
not ubering you a puppy
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
