Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
