My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
