some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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