its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
