how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
