I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
