I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
