he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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