i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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