hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
