so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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