Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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