Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
