last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
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Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
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ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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