Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
