Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
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You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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