It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
