Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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