I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize
