I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
