I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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