Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
