i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
