I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
