i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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