I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
