Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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