he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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