If i come over, it means nothing
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize