the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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