I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
