So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
