And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
