I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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