i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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