We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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