Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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