I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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