So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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