Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
