Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
