I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
