if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
