I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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