He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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