sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
