where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
