i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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