New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
